We last left Thelma and Louise, er, Me and Jess in West Virginia.
West Virginia did not last long. We found ourselved in Ohio. Or rather, the GPS, nicknamed, “Bitch”, directed us to Ohio. In any case, we were in Ohio. We knew we were somewhere behind a @the_turtle. We decided it was time to stop for food. This time at the lovely Ruby Tuesday in Somewhere, Ohio. Oddly enough, sitting in the parking lot…the Turtle. We went in for some dinner. And were met with … ZOMBIES!
Okay, not exactly. We were seated at a lovely table overlooking the gas station, sandwiched between two families with small children. Now, Jess and I both have small children. So we aren’t opposed to the little buggers. These were some fine examples. On my left, may I present Zombie child. Approximately two years old, the girl had a pacifier in her mouth the entire meal. She was well behaved and sat coloring for the duration of their visit. Oh yeah, and going “ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” the ENTIRE MEAL.
On my right, I present The Extended Family. Seemed like many families had gathered together. Split over a couple of tables. Lots of adults, presumably happy to see eachother and catch up. And Mac n Cheese Boy. He had his dinner all over his hands. How do I know this? Because he repeatedly got up from the table and came over to me and grabbed my shirt. Extended Family didn’t seem to notice or care about Mac n Cheese Boy, he was free to roam as he pleased. Extended Family then harrassed the poor waitress wanting their bill split into 65.3 different receipts.
But I digress.
“Living on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi hit the playlist. In which I attempt to “Baby Take My Hand” and Jess dissed me. She says she was tired. Whatever. Oh speaking of tired. I fell asleep soon thereafter (at least judging by the lack of tweets). Jess was getting tired, so pulled off to the only hotel she could see…
Okay, fine by me. I’m laid back. I was asleep. If the driver says she is tired and we need to stop, then we need to stop. It’s Econolodge. By the highway. How bad could it be?
Cut to “check in”. Here’s a travel tip: When registration has bullet proof glass, you MAY not want to stay there. We joked about paying by the hour. Ha ha. Ha. *ahem*.
After paying and receiving our room key, we walked out to the car, to see two “gentlemen” talking to the police. Always a welcome sight. Jess made a remark about finding a dead hooker in our room. At which point, I said, “I’d rather find a dead hooker than get broken into.” Thinking a dead hooker is probably a one-off event, as opposed to a break in. The police had left and Jess and I carried every single item out of the car and into our rooms. I think we both secretly feared we would wake up in the morning to find Jenna gone. Touching as little as possible in the room, we went to sleep.
7 states in 15 hours.
Will Jenna be there in the morning? Will we find a dead hooker? Stay tuned for the next installment…