Damned if you do... My Two Cents
Francie wrote a terrific post on her blog about women in IT (but really it could be any male dominated industry). If you haven't already, go here and read it. I was just going to put a comment on her blog, but realized I had a little more to say on the subject. Please do read her entry first, as my comments will make a lot more sense in context.
Another side to this issue (besides those mentioned in Francie's post and the comments, such as being labelled a bitch or having to listen to off-color humor if that bothers you), is behaviour. Why is it okay for several guys to hang out together, drink, smoke and make off color jokes and no one would ever dream of insinuating that said guys are sleeping together? Yet, add one woman to that equation and suddenly her morale standards are in question. Of course, the guys’ morales aren’t in question, just the woman.
Why is it if a woman and a man laugh, joke and smile together they are flirting? Two guys laugh, joke and smile and it means nothing.
Even worse, why do people question a woman’s decision to travel for work if she has children? What business is it of yours how I care for my children. And yes, I have children, which may come a surprise to some of you because I don’t talk about them publicly. And ain’t that a shame? Yet, I feel like I can’t/shouldn’t. Any men feel that way? Somehow I doubt it.
So what do we women do? I choose to act like myself and dress the way I want. Of course, that also means I have to be overly concerned with proving that I am also smart and dressing the way I want is always tempered with wondering if it's "too much".
The worst part of it all is there is not a lot else you can do. To me, there is nothing worse than a situation in which there is no course of action. As Francie said “Damned if you do…”. More accurately, Feminist bitch if you do (respond), slut if you don’t.
Comments
Posted by Duffbert At 18:52:37 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
If a man chooses to stay home and raise his kids, and the wife/partner goes to work, both men and women often view that as the man being a failure when in fact he just making his choice.
If a man is always hanging out chatting with women at work, more so than with the men, and he isn't dating any of them, then surely he's gay.
Isn't it true that women are just as quick to make these judgments as men?
Again, I agree with what you're saying, just trying to add some other opinions as I think both sexes are guilty. I wish men and women were paid the same, and no one cared what people did in their private lives.
God I hope I don't get labeled as some kind of sexist pig now.
Posted by Carl Tyler At 19:11:12 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
Posted by Duffbert At 19:18:15 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
How about we just stick to hating users?
Posted by Kathy Brown At 19:25:10 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
You don't need to prove anything - your intelligence is blatantly obvious.
There are some ^%$^%$&^%$ in our own community, but there is also a solid core of good people who will step up once this issue comes to light. And now that you and Francie have spoken up, light is dawning (onto, often, MarbleHeads, but dawning nonetheless).
As Duffbert said: Rock on.
Posted by Rob McDonagh At 19:28:06 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
Posted by Marie Scott At 20:04:01 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
(Sorry, I went for a run, that gives me time to think)
I don't mean any of this to say that people should watch what they say in front of me. I hope that is obvious. I love a good joke as much as the next guy (literally). To be clear, my problem is when someone sees me enjoying a joke and assumes I am sleeping with the person telling it.
And I don't mean to say that being a feminist is a bad thing. I'm just annoyed that if I stand up for myself then I get labelled as one.
Posted by Kathy Brown At 20:24:21 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
Posted by Bob Balaban At 20:29:44 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
Posted by Nathan T. Freeman At 20:36:54 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
Posted by Rob McDonagh At 21:24:25 On 08/08/2009 | - Website - |
Posted by Garrett Wolthuis At 17:17:09 On 09/08/2009 | - Website - |
@11 - There's always LS10!
Posted by Kathy Brown At 20:16:51 On 09/08/2009 | - Website - |
If you don't xxx, you're a tease.
And everybody knows that being a tease is way worse than being a slut."
Seriously though, having grown up with 5 sisters; each one of which would set off the "super hottie" sensor in most mancaves, I've seen and heard about most of the shit girls have to put up with. You're right -it isn't fair. Nor is it kind.
My advice that I give to you, and Francie, and all the other super smart super strong women in our "verse" is the same advice I give to my sisters: Be true to yourself, be a good friend to your friends, always do your best at everything you do, and never worry about what people think of you. Those who would judge you aren't worth your time, and those who are worth your time will never judge you.
Hope to see you at LS10 -perhaps you can teach this fat man how to smile when running.
Posted by Devin%20Olson At 09:29:30 On 10/08/2009 | - Website - |
Posted by Kathy Brown At 09:51:03 On 10/08/2009 | - Website - |
I think as guys we also have it tough when our actions as misinterpreted by women as being lude or sexist. I guess what I'm saying is that I completely agree, which makes it such a hard world to navigate.
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